Site Meter

Thursday, December 29, 2005


Other uses for decommissioned toilets include kettle drum substitutes for underfunded orchestras

That's what Shakespeare could have called his play if that old Roman had ever visited the southern hemisphere and discovered the phenomenon that makes water go down the plughole the other way down there. It's called the Coriolis effect. You may recall the anti-Coriolis effect machine installed in the US embassy's toilet in the Australian episode of The Simpsons. A little-known fact about the Coriolis effect, however, is that in some remote parts of Ecuador a combination of being on the equator and the salinity of the water means the stuff refuses to go down the plughole altogether. Instead, it performs the whirlpool dance known as txlxloa in Quechua. Skilled water-potters, or mxlxloa, can even fashion pots from the dancing liquid. The one small problem with these is that the water only dances in a six-inch wide strip along the equator, outside of which it reverts to its normal, all-over-the-place state, spilling your flowers/cutlery/llama pet food all over the floor. The other problem of course is that it becomes impossible to empty the toilet. Or it would be but for the fabled Cotopaxi toilet dancers, who once a week move from Coriolis-affected privy to privy and perform the sacred vxlxloa dance, or cha cha cha de la cacaca, to the accompaniment of the time-honoured words:

vxlxloa vxlxloa
Log vtidace
qarou, rabevtzugi
de nepomra lemlovlodk

(Enough of this degrading charade
why can't you move your bathroom
off the equator you idiot
you think I enjoy treading in your poo?)

Sturdy boots required

No comments: