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Wednesday, August 01, 2007

237 Reasons Not to Have Sex

Pi is exactly three

Yahoo news has to be the dumbest news source online.

They’re always running lists of tips for how to get ahead in the workplace, like ‘keep your headset on at all times’. I hope my binman was reading that. ‘Don’t empty that one, Sid, he’s filled it with steaming cat shite again, dump it all over his doorstep instead’, Sid’s comrade in waste disposal screams at him outside my house. But Sid can’t hear him because he has his headset on, in ‘customer-facing’ mode awaiting any incoming calls.

Anyway, one of their headlines this morning was ‘Researchers List 237 Reasons For Sex. I’ve yet to read the full list, but here are my suggestions for reasons 170-175:

170: Man is blind, has been told by wife he has taken up painting with penis and needs to ‘dip his wick’.
171: Cannot face reading any more of that god-awful Ian McEwan novel.
172: Interpretive (interpretative?) dance performance, grant-aided by the Arts Council.
173: Research for creative writing diploma course at Asian Women
’s Drop-in Centre in Blackburn.
174: Trying to make cat jealous.
175: Washing machine one stained duvet cover short of full load.

Why do you have sex? I really, really want to know. Except no I don’t. Go and tell the man on Yahoo news instead. MLA referencing system please, and double spaces throughout.

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