Recipe

I said do the goddamn washing up

The Puthwuth Omni-Gatherum Car Crash Asian Curry Recipe

Measurements may be approxmiate

One-third fill a strainer with red lentils, wash, add water and bring to boil

Lightly heat one large chopped onion in frying pan/wok

In a separate pot very lightly heat one tsp of cumin, one tsp of ginger powder, one tsp of turmeric, one tsp of garlic powder, a healthy dollop of tomato purée, and two tsps of Thai green curry paste

Add the preceding and, after approx. five minutes of simmering, the lentils too to the onion

Add a sprinkling of peas and asparagus stalks, a packet of quorn pieces and three-quarters of a can of coconut milk

One third-fill the strainer again with fragrant Thai rice, bring to boil, add the rest of the coconut milk and allow to simmer before adding to the rest of this monstrous clamjamfrey

Add small amounts of water if in danger of dehydrating

The food, that is

Give another ten minutes

Tuck in