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Thursday, May 04, 2006

A Lay Person Writes

A sadly typical eucharistic scene, featuring neither Eastern European rides nor random fist fights

It's always a pleasure, when I visit the land of my birth, to find the letters page of The Irish Times publishing earnest letters from clergymen and interested 'lay' people about the kind of thing that would earn you the intellectual response of a glass in the face down the local where I live, and rightly so. Things like this row about an 'inter-faith' communion in Drogheda, or some other activity bored Christians devise to stop themselves turning to incest on a Sunday morning, with some Church of Ireland bishop wading in with the usual drivel about the need for reflection, dialogue and sensitivity, as his way of saying 'The fact that I'm a southern Prod doesn't mean I can't still be an awkward bastard'.

The only solution to this stupid row is the replacement of all 'ministers of the eucharist' (do they get chauffeur-driven cars, I wonder? Is there a ceann comhairle of the eucharist?) with some of those foreign girls serving coffee behind the counter at Nude on Suffolk Street when I dropped in yesterday. Then the Irish Times letters page could look something like this:


Canon Wrixby of Rathmines can cite canon law all he likes, Natasja is the biggest ride of a minister of the eucharist ever, and anyone who says otherwise will be getting my knee in the bollocks fairly pronto.

Yours etc
Recent Convert'

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