Thursday, June 10, 2010
The World Cup
Last-minute recruitment of Jamie Carragher adds crucial tournament early exit experience to England squad.
Arizona sheriff patrolling half-way line against vague possibility of USA-Mexico tie, has ‘ways’ of dealing with ‘you folks’ back home.
FIFA cave in to Irish demands, force Thierry Henry to celebrate all goals with half-hearted somersault and give post-match interview in Tallaght accent, and enough already, you big cry-babies.
Argentina eyeing immediate invasion of small offshore islands of Brazil/Holland/North Korea/whoever after embarrassing quarter-final exit.
UN imposes sanctions on North Korean ‘nuclear’ sub jokes.
Slovakian FA offers players free consonants for life in event of victory.
Big lumbering German bloke ‘one of the more attractive continental defensive midfielders we’ve seen in recent years’.
Rio Ferninand ‘proverbialled’ over last-minute injury to whatever, innit.
Nigerian fan in crowd’s skin actually is green, is jumping up and down in spasms of embarrassment.
Neo-fascist-garbage-spouting, heavily-tattooed Italian has something very, very important to say to his mother/that model he’s banging.
Seventy-two per cent of Brazilian breasts now swaying in time to Kaka’s dinking runs on goal.
‘He knows what it means to them’, commentator says of robotic Swedish playboy mercenary Sven Goran Eriksson as he completes ‘lucky’ glasses-adjusting routine during Ivory Coast national anthem.
Middlesborough/Stoke/whoever fans will ‘need no reminding of’/‘know all about’ some Honduran/Greek/Slovenian who was useless on the wing for them before he got sold/put down, whenever that was, isn’t Harry Hill on ITV now?
Drinking carpet cleaner/stabbing self in eye suddenly more attractive than listening to Alan Shearer’s explanation of ‘previous’ to Uruguay-Denmark ‘grudge’ match ONE SECOND LONGER.