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Friday, June 06, 2008

The Villainy of Mayo

The cartoon of Dean Windass in my last post bore a passing resemblance to Desperate Dan (make that Desperate Dean by next Christmas, but I digress), and I was thrilled to read here of the involvement of the Dandy comic in a Mayo Echo story under the startling title ‘Castlebar Lake Attracts Hundreds of Perverts.’ Hundreds of perverts are descending on Castlebar every week as the town has become the “cruising” capital of Connaught, we read. The bushes round a grotty car park in Castlebar are crawling with hundreds of seminally intoxicated, nay ‘drooling’ perverts, reducing normal life in Co. Mayo to a standstill. Images from ‘boys’ magazines’ found at the cruising site were named by Mayo Echo scribe Tony Geraghty as evidence of underhand activities afoot on phone-in moron-a-thon Liveline until revealed to be nothing more fiendish than random pages from the Dandy. Mr Tony Geraghty heroically persisted with his claim that the Dandy pages had been used for ‘sexual gratification’, which may result in a telephone call from a Channel 5 documentary maker any day now (perhaps the one who made the programme screened this week about the woman in a romantic relationship with the Berlin wall, and who had cheated on it with a fence). ‘It seems in this modern day that there are certain groups we simply are not alloyed [sic] to discuss’, Mr Geraghty further fumed and foamed, before I presume offering to come down hard on the nearest sodomite. Less amusingly, his oafish threats of litigation against the popular local discussion forum, where his idiocy had attracted much ridicule and disbelief, resulted in that website suspending publication. What a total prick.

Twenty Major’s hilarious take on this.

This is self-evidently the greatest news story ever told.


Mark Granier said...

"Mr Tony Geraghty heroically persisted with his claim that the Dandy pages had been used for ‘sexual gratification...’"

By the Dandy Warhols, no doubt.

Background Artist said...

Dndy whorls of spiralling effin sunnie, delightfully twisted

in the parush bar, self-merdia-catorising, being a faux imitation of who s/he can turn out to free, Us the illusion, not them bloody connacta tw.ts, utter coffin fodder, only the hardiest spud monkeys cottaged into the incubus and demon that haunt the literature and reality of a small, oddly re-assuring global place of stay at hime and eff up heard here in the herd of it, knowing the lines to ollamh make 350 times seven tined stag, flying in the marvelous, the blatantly farcical codswallop we apprehend in vellum, from what is clearly - whilst not lies -- a take on truth uniquely distinct, culturally, it works, the verbal grease of whatever it is, (eces) knowing ones methodologies, support docs, structures, a fully operating delusional belief in selective prayer, to the gods one's own minted lot coin to the moires making us spin tri, bluff isms innit, the bertie and biffo balance, sadly for some, the gloves off, the sums involved really head-shakingly dreamy, no one given up, grind out the dough brehon millions, aired the craic ebb, flows at a pitch on knots, Des knows, he's got the Deas Mhuman o noh neal dawn, dug it yah, eff off and dig it biffo bables with seventy two of eight bung in machinations -- lost to us -- nit the weight of silence, the depth of chat, what of it D our leinster jackeen, masy O gods, three one, achil hawk and fintan's eye, a neat bent to home wezterward and sing the uplifting note, nasa poetic, ET eff ups, invisible oppos and murky operational odes, reports, sean nos on, why am i obscene and smug, even when i am not the real kp kenny sir pat, yr race is alowabce abd birth, a forward brished implosional, clockwise motion following the natural order of 90% H twp O, yes, water, noi?

mon amis dans le Dandy's Groan of pater, walt, to wit, Whitman and Frost(y) the colonial chap eff all our owned eternal proven suit, petitioned by the first, Amergin, s/he (Amergina)?

diva Dna O'Dowd what night the wheat we lowed for spoiled, drenched, death the Mother turning inward, culling nightmare, the only chance for being saved a mass diva Des o nee L ower re-invents Great the line to Lee and quarter-home, Horace and the hedge masters, uniquely school, a smattering of him and Homer, Plato, the natives speaking it as though it were a rudely acquired bone limbed tongue of perfetion, the essential backwash, lots of amazingly ordered names and re-appearing cipher and template, ian duhig, diggin out from within, Us and s/he wee inter-mission, the red side of town, rory's manos moved print, happen editorial construct, artificial agility, pretend talent, belief, faith, lief motif, dans le basic spud hopper or Alban prince, albion UTD dan, dna, nad diddle squat to brag but of Mayo, decimated, only the mentally ill live their, the poets and profoundly island way of deeply pathological capacity of what is the national biffo undercover in the van, breakfast roll time,

...coronary in the final rite to Gia

in Grogans -- death by boredom
outside locked in the terrified

gaze of several loosely bladdered scangers offer the bleary eyed staggering ancient laneways

in search of copper nose's wags, the many, many, deeply disturbing amongst us, who look as thou are full, fuller and fullest when most quare, extemporising, craic, making it up, the love between us david, loved one, mister agility, ability, quick, swiftys' maybe swell at segias singing and transmogrifying (intellectually) into the shapes one must assume unknown until they appear, the verse of lore long chared loved one, all da vids on loan, the amazing, tender, warm drone of mister hmmm --- fullest moon seven quarters in the cyclical luna bark divas' words Deas Mhuman dave, his Nimbleness

Bock the Robber said...

He typed the article with one hand.