Found these lying around the other day and thought I might recycle them. Carbon-dating on references to e.g. phone cards might convey something of their vintage. But still and all. Anyone feel like suggesting some neologisms of their own?
anaerocathedry n: inability to regain one’s seat on an airplane until refreshment trolley has got out of the way.
autoperipatism n: failure to remember where you parked the car at the airport before you went on holiday.
chumble n: hole in pocket through which change falls down and through trouser leg in public.
copropody n: act of stepping in dog dirt.
digitismus n: compulsive use of finger gestures to convey quotation marks in speech.
dillywicking n: action of beginning to undo one’s flies before entering gents’ toilet in pub.
dysflexia n: refusal of cash dispenser to return your pass card.
dyssymposia n: inability to conduct a dinner-party conversation about traffic or the price of houses.
equistructionist n: person who stands in the centre on crowded escalator.
esprit de l’ascenseur n: realization that a fart suppressed in a lift would have been silent after all (‘Au même temps que les portes se fermaient derrière lui il hésita un moment et péta. Toujours ce vieux esprit de l’ascenseur! se dit-il.’—DE CAMUVOIR.)
frigomantism n: belief that storing telephone call cards in a refrigerator recharges them.
hiott n: telephone call whose sole purpose is to inform the recipient of one’s whereabouts [acr. ‘Hi, I’m on the train.’]
johnnygodot n: tourist who waits by middle doors of Dublin bus expecting them to open at bus-stop. [St John of God’s + Godot]
moozled adj to be ~: feeling on reaching post office/bank/labour exchange counter and discovering you have been standing in the wrong queue.
Nicolepsy n: sexual arousal by television commercials for French cars.
pratcom v: to use a laptop computer in a café, pub, train or bus.
pringleton n: older male relative who will not be offended by gift of tie and/or socks for Christmas.
proxoscopy n: the feeling that you have seen a new film when you have only read the reviews.
solyksism n: extreme refusal to acknowledge power of speech to communicate with others, esp. in teenagers [‘sort of like you know’].
spoffle v: to show guests your holiday photographs after dinner.
squodge v: to urinate in sink, e.g. in rented accommodation, rather than walk down corridor to use bathroom.
stime v: to put unwanted newspaper supplements in the bin unread before opening the rest of the paper. [abbr. Sunday Times]
tedcred n: knowing at least one person who had a cameo in Father Ted.
witbetog n: job that makes you wear a name-tag. [acr. ‘Will that be to go sir?’]
6 comments:
in our house, a THNAD is any odd plastic or metal component lying redundant in a vase, drawer or jar
a ZOTLOCK is the distance between the end of a driver's outstretched arm and the ticket in the machine on the way into the car park
Arseoise: 'journalists, spin doctors and politicians who interact in scenes that just scream "Come, friendly bombs..." - coined by Marina Hyde in a recent cif-reportage on 'the abortion of democracy' in Spin Alley:
'the premise is simple. Even before the party leaders have finished debating, legions of spinners and spinners' lackeys materialise to explain exactly why everything you thought you saw and heard was wrong. Think of it as the organ grinders taking over. They certainly act as though they regard it as such.
"Having vapourised seconds before the debate, the spindroids were suddenly all back in the room, presumably having just slid through a haunted TV screen to begin immediately the task of dispensing weapons grade wisdom. "The only poll that really counts is the one where people put their cross on a ballot paper," explained Harriet Harman. "It's not a question of people voting right now."
In America, they call these media pens Spin Alley, so those searching for a suitably small-time UK equivalent should alight on something like Fibbers' Close, or Bollocks Avenue.
On the odd occassion reading Hyde before she wrote this, the question why does she bother when she's so obviously untalented, would form in one's mind, before clicking out to elsehwere on the village screen of Letters.
~
Can I be totally honest with you please, Dave? I came here today because I want to inform you of something about yourself, professionally, as a joker and cod-merchant who I have extended a trusty hand of fair-play collegiate amity to, on numerous occassions.
Remember the several months in winter 2008/9, when you'd receive those typo-ridden mega-rants and outpourings you didn't post, that told of 'undreamt accidents that made me' dump psychic refuse into your comment-box, for reasons one was unconscious of when doing so, dearest deepest darling Daithi, mon ames?
The crazee chattering, unchecked blather from a deluded, friendless bore, spieling into the void a Lancashababru gobble dee gook addressed to you, Dublin chancer, telepathically alive as wholly text - lonely blogger, trapped on the NE coast of ye brutal olde Englynde, dreaming up your rants?
I don't wish to draw attention to you in any way which may cause you embarressment Wheatley, but the fact is, I've just read your contribution: 'None of us likes it: On the poet-critic'; in Dublin Review (2003), and have to admit, I hate you even more now, you talented bastard.
Drop dead Dave!!
Kevin
Desmond's words
Lancashababru
Strisp n: a sock containing traces of dried semen (or any article of clothing used for such purposes).
Effurate v: to bore someone literally to distraction, or worse.
Rimscrim v: to deposit ones nose-pickings on the underside of a desk, or behind a radiator, etc.
Flugger n: a person whose devotion to a particular sport (e.g. soccer) enables him/her to achieve spontaneous orgasm as a result of a goal being scored (v flug, flugging).
Roaring Riordans: n (sl.): spouses (or partners/lovers, etc.) whose verbal abuse of one another is loud enough to be heard clearly by neighbours.
Spronze v: to convince someone of the worth of something which is obviously worthless.
Billyrib v: to tell someone (esp. a stranger in a public place) to cheer up, that it takes more muscles to frown than it does to smile, etc.
Corphacate intr.v: to have a meaningful conversation with ones own faeces.
lardsa is first word verification
Don't publish this if it's too long Dave: it's re-tweaked stuff itself, from 2005, that one stumbled across just now, and thought to use in an exercise of nailing the copy properly. Your article had a sincere intellectual affect, as it co-incided with a denoument, in my own mind at least, of the first short nine-year study whose resolution came in a fluency earned by the act of constant practise and repetition; all the tools in our kit box and stationary case - consciously understood first on reading Pliny Younger last year, after the feeling I'd hit anruth.
The four/five beat system of comma as quarter-beat, semi-colon (trickiest to get right?); half-beat and colon a three-quarter 'minature drum-roll': Szirtes told me that.
(editing in. twas lot longer and had to cut cuzza 4,096 limit. Off to Seven Towers to mock the talented)
Ackers - is a corruption of eckers or E's; tabs, garys, class A's, uppers, downers, poppers, gobstoppers, shoppin trolleys, tweenie shock-jock twots talking bollocks 'bout neologistic shapeshifters lockin cocky robbin bastards out th'ouse till y'all come read a literature 'bout strobe light that can make you disjointed looking.
Binnie: an Old Danish word with two meanings. One is a person who has run out of flims, and the other means 'to turn down a request to go on a kid-slaying spree in the next village down, coz you've just joined blockbusters and wanna stay in 'n cop a loada Viking Suckfest, Series 10, How Big's Yore Longboat Bigboy.'
Bobbin: gay slang for an act which homosexuals, disinterested singles, bi-curious, tri-actives, lesbians, enlargement patients, pre-op trannies, post-chop drag queens, widows, doggers looking through car windows, and off duty coppers with vibrating torches - do at the Rampton-Shoe Pub Introduction disco every Wednesday afternoon.
Bootle Buck: someone who has to wear braces to pull in Sullivans, or alternatively: A tall dark man with a hint of mystery emanating from his compact frame, turning his head toward you as your bodies possess the space, in which you know the thrust of destiny is about to cascade from the depths of both your existences and reveal itself to all present.
His broad shoulders catching the static glow of the tame orange light, he takes posession of the 2 pints of pina colada and jug of Lick My Member - from a thonged and toned lapdancing barman, in the VIP Chill and Thrill section of Castle Street Suck and Butty Bar; introducing himself as the dock road dance man, Robbie Rentoy, asking if you would care to accompany him to a business appointment he has with colleagues in the park.
The swelling excitement of your physical form is uncurtailable as you feel his thigh brush against your regions of eternal joy; yearning to be free from the restrictive shackle of social form, bursting to spurt out in chase of gameful endevours the gods of fate have delivered to your presence.
He tells you of the ten cans of Dutch Gold export that can be yours for the taking, should you accept his offer. Without further ado you decide to throw caution to the wind and cancel your engagement with the DSS and the Co-ordinator of the Job Club, then move off to a piece of wasteground at the back of smack alley.
At least I think it's that.
desui is the second word verification - pure
dán: poetry, gift-talent-vocation, fate-destiny as a unitary concept:("a man can't drown whose dán's to be hanged").
Facht - a fact that is only a fact in the head of Rafa Benitez, and in fact isn't really a fact at all.
Zclobble - the space between two bus seats. The 'z' is silent. Coined on an hour long bus journey home while pissed as newts with my mates.
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