Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Spoffle, Squodge, Copropody
Found these lying around the other day and thought I might recycle them. Carbon-dating on references to e.g. phone cards might convey something of their vintage. But still and all. Anyone feel like suggesting some neologisms of their own?
anaerocathedry n: inability to regain one’s seat on an airplane until refreshment trolley has got out of the way.
autoperipatism n: failure to remember where you parked the car at the airport before you went on holiday.
chumble n: hole in pocket through which change falls down and through trouser leg in public.
copropody n: act of stepping in dog dirt.
digitismus n: compulsive use of finger gestures to convey quotation marks in speech.
dillywicking n: action of beginning to undo one’s flies before entering gents’ toilet in pub.
dysflexia n: refusal of cash dispenser to return your pass card.
dyssymposia n: inability to conduct a dinner-party conversation about traffic or the price of houses.
equistructionist n: person who stands in the centre on crowded escalator.
esprit de l’ascenseur n: realization that a fart suppressed in a lift would have been silent after all (‘Au même temps que les portes se fermaient derrière lui il hésita un moment et péta. Toujours ce vieux esprit de l’ascenseur! se dit-il.’—DE CAMUVOIR.)
frigomantism n: belief that storing telephone call cards in a refrigerator recharges them.
hiott n: telephone call whose sole purpose is to inform the recipient of one’s whereabouts [acr. ‘Hi, I’m on the train.’]
johnnygodot n: tourist who waits by middle doors of Dublin bus expecting them to open at bus-stop. [St John of God’s + Godot]
moozled adj to be ~: feeling on reaching post office/bank/labour exchange counter and discovering you have been standing in the wrong queue.
Nicolepsy n: sexual arousal by television commercials for French cars.
pratcom v: to use a laptop computer in a café, pub, train or bus.
pringleton n: older male relative who will not be offended by gift of tie and/or socks for Christmas.
proxoscopy n: the feeling that you have seen a new film when you have only read the reviews.
solyksism n: extreme refusal to acknowledge power of speech to communicate with others, esp. in teenagers [‘sort of like you know’].
spoffle v: to show guests your holiday photographs after dinner.
squodge v: to urinate in sink, e.g. in rented accommodation, rather than walk down corridor to use bathroom.
stime v: to put unwanted newspaper supplements in the bin unread before opening the rest of the paper. [abbr. Sunday Times]
tedcred n: knowing at least one person who had a cameo in Father Ted.
witbetog n: job that makes you wear a name-tag. [acr. ‘Will that be to go sir?’]