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Sunday, June 03, 2007

Look at him! Look at Geoff Woad!

One form of street bingo particularly suited to where I live is O-mo-smo, which stands for obese, morbidly obese, and super-morbidly obese. You get to shout House! if you see one of each simultaneously. There are lots of fatties around, in other words, all of which makes me think of famous big men, like e.g.:

Tor Johnson, Swedish wrestler, best-selling Hallowe’en mask and Ed Wood mainstay, seen here in Plan 9 from Outer Space. In one of his many appearances in Drew Friedman’s comic strips he awakens from a nightmare of a world full of cloned versions of himself, and rings Bela Lugosi for reassurance: ‘Bela, how many Tor?

Geoff Capes, former professional shot-putter and Britain's Strongest Man. Went into business with a shop called Geoff’s Capes, which sold only capes. It soon closed. This raises the delicious prospect of other people who might go into business on a surname-driven mission: African politician Canaan Banana, footballer Trevor Cherry, playwright Robert Bolt, writer Gillian Beer... Other suggestions in the comments stream, please.

Geoff Woad, who provides Withnail with some diverting reading material from the News of the World:

Listen to this: I took drugs to win medals says top athlete Geoff Woad. Shot-putter Woad admits to taking massive doses of steroids - drugs banned in sport - to improve his performance. “He used to act up and pick on me” says his wife, “but now he's stopped he's much better, in our sex life and in our general life.” Look at him! Look at Geoff Woad! Jesus, this huge, thatched head, with its earlobes and cannon ball is now considered sane! Geoff Woad is prepared to step back into society and start tossing his orb about again! His head must weigh fifty pounds on its own! Imagine the size of his balls... imagine getting into a fight with the fucker! “I'm going to pull your head off.” “Oh no, please don't pull my head off.” “I'm going to pull your head off, because I don't like your head.”

Sadly, Geoff Woad does not appear to exist.

Samuel Becketts connection to André the Giant I have already mentioned. And yes I know that fat bastards are not the same as large sportsmen. But if one of each sat on you, you probably wouldn’t be too fussed about the difference either.

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