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Wednesday, June 13, 2007


Caught this picture, which I’ve always loved, of Faulkner over on Isola di rifiuti. What are the do’s and don’ts (look at that phrase carefully and abominate the inconsistency of the English apostrophe) of a good author photo?

Some suggested don’ts:

Do not pose with a copy of one of your books, you smug bastard.
Do not pose with your arm around someone, you gropey bastard.
Do not show us your shoulders, you exhibitionist bastard.
Do not use the same author pic for twenty years in a row, you vain bastard.
Do not put your hand on your chin, you pseudy bastard.
Do not pose with a drink, we already know you’re an alcoholic.

And so on.

Suggestions for best/worst author pics ever, anyone? And yes I know the photo here is a portrait rather than a dustjacket pic. Duh.

JL also ponders the origins of the word ‘skite’, a word frequently upgraded in Hiberno-English to ‘blatherskite’. Why, you’ll find it in More Pricks Than Kicks. Just thought I’d mention that.


Twenty Major said...

Do not tilt your head downwards and look up you fat, double-chinned bastard.

John said...

Don't wear an Aran sweater, you townie bastard.

puthwuth said...

Don't carry a decapitated head, now we know you killed that missing Latvian prostitute, you prostitute-murdering bastard.

puthwuth said...

Don't wear the sliced-off face of Michelle Pfeiffer if you're really a gap-toothed runty binman from Portarlington underneath, you Ed Gein wannabe bastard.

Unless that IS her real face. I refer to the author below.

puthwuth said...

Don't carry a leather jacket over your shoulder. Do you need a coat hanger? Good. Here's one in your eye, you too cool for your own jacket bastard.

puthwuth said...

Don't pose in profile just because you've got a squint. If you've got a gaping empty socket there with the rotting corpse of a rat that was nesting there hanging out it, fine. But don't pose in profile just because you've got a squint, you Patrick Pearse-copying squinty bastard.

John said...

we are battered into submission.