‘I never drink English water,’ said Jocky solemnly. ‘My granny said the English put poison in the water.’
Again I realised he was not kidding. ‘So how do you clean your teeth?’ There was a long moment. Daft question, I thought, Jocky has none.
‘When I did have teeth I cleaned them with Fanta!’ said Jocky.’
‘Aye, he did that,’ said Sandy solemnly.
It would have been much better if, after consuming well over forty units of alcohol the night before, Jocky had stuck to Fanta when we got to the darts. Fat chance. After registering at eleven o’clock, Jocky had a few pints of lager before the first match at 3 p.m. Fife played Suffolk and won, then after shots of Magic Coke, they took on London. That’s when Jocky, topped up from the night before, lost the plot. He was playing Ray Cornibert and suddenly began using foul language to the lady official doing the scoring. He accused her of urging Ray on to beat him. It was obvious to all observers that Jocky was pissed.
The outburst cost him dearly. He was given a three-month ban by the BDO that on appeal was reduced to nine weeks. But it still meant that he could not defend his Unipart British Professional title at Stockton in October.
Sid Waddle, Bellies and Bullseyes: The Outrageous True Story of Darts
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