Mise en Abysmal

Something I was watching on television recently is sponsored by a website called ‘comparethemarket.com’, I see. It helps you find the lowest car insurance, the cheapest flights, that kind of thing. But who helps you find the best deal on websites that compare the market on car insurance, cheap flights etc? That would be ‘comparethecomparethemarket.com’, I presume.

Similarly I have, I confess, a signed photograph of Steven Gerrard in my kitchen. How do I know it’s authentic? Because it came with a certificate of authenticity. And how do I know that was authentic? Because it too came with a certificate of authenticity of course, what do you take me for? I could do this all day but will mercifully stop now.

In other news I notice it’s St Patrick’s Day, which means about as much to me as the brayings of a hippo in Cameroon with a thrombosed pile up its arse it’s just sat down on rather clumsily.