Match of the Day pundits have now spent entire month in Africa without working out how to get into the stadium right behind their bloody studio, for Christ’s sake.
Match of the Day pundit and most boring man alive confirms world-historical colossus Nelson Mandela has ‘certain presence’.
And back to 1974, 78 we go (with Carles Puyol’s haircut).
Mark Lawreson’s incessant ‘It’s tight, very tight this’ shtick in fact a reference to anti-hernia corset.
Nelson Mandela spends first half surfing warm tide of nostalgia for incident-packed, time-well-spent years on Robben (no, not Arjen Robben) Island.
Spain play Barcelona v. Madrid five-a-side at half-time.
Queen Sofia and army of conquistadors seize Matabeleland.
Furious Dutch denounce Papish sophistry, pressgang hapless locals, set sail for and seize Canary Islands.
Man with nice hair on bench is ‘story waiting to happen’, football-related kind of story, I’m assuming here, rather than Donald Barthelme kind of story.
Dirk Kuyt, Pepe Reina and Ryan Babel?! complete pre-season training for arduous task ahead of finishing seventh in Premier League.
Torres’ last-minute hamstring injury
Xabi Alonso picks out winner’s medal with pinpoint accuracy from 50 yards.
Jubliant Spanish players thank, eat Paul the psychic octopus.