‘Vernon Coleman Writes Brilliant Books!’, announces a full-page ad in today’s Independent.
‘If I could write, my words would be just like yours!’, announces ‘S R-B, by email’ on Coleman's website.
Coleman’s books cover cats, health, politics, and fiction.
Stand-out titles include People Push Bottles Up Peaceniks, I Hope Your Penis Shrivels Up, and The Man Who Inherited a Golf Course, of which a ‘reader’, E.M., writes: ‘I have just ordered a copy of The Man Who Inherited a Golf Course – a present from me for my birthday. Thank you for providing me with hours of happy reading.’ If, unlike E.M., your reading powers do not extend to happy hours with books you have yet to receive, you may enjoy our blog serialisation of The Man Who Inherited a Golf Course, which begins below.
The letter fell from Audrey’s elegant fingers as she entered the lounge. Trevor looked up from a particularly fiendish Daily Express crossword, startled.
‘What is it, darling?’
‘I’m afraid it’s bad news dear. Your uncle Ted has passed away.’
Trevor loosened his cravat and began to sweat visibly all over his skin.
‘And yet, but, it’s the strangest thing darling…’
‘Yes? Spit it out, wifey?’
‘He’s left you a golf course.’
Trevor struggled to keep abreast of the mixed and confusing emotions fighting for the upper hand in his pounding brain.
‘This is a terrible time for us all. But we shall putt ourselves grief-free. Or rather I shall, as we shan’t be allowing you ladies to join!’ (snip)
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